Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
