You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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