What did we do last night that was yellow?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
