yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
