I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
