Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
