his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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