You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
