Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
