we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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