We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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