He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
