you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
40s are totally the cure
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
