I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
