haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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