I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
