They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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