Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
