I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
