why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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