I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
