so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
