dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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