I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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