he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
