So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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