Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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