waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
