I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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