His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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