Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
