Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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