I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
