I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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