Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
