maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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