omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
