nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
