ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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