Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
