ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
