I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
