the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
