Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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