"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
