DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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