i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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