I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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