we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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