the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
