Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
