so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
