You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
