I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My vagina is officially offended.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize