My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
