he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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