Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
