Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
