Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
