i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
