He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize