I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
