Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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