Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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