you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
