There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
