Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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