I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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