Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas