I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class