I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.