forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.