I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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