I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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