OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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